Pure love? Blah!

It is interesting to see someone post something on the concept of jun ai - “pure love.” It reminded me of something my favorite Japan Times columnist, Kaori Shoji, wrote two years ago about the obsession with pure love that gripped the Japanese female populace as Winter Sonata swept the archipelago (I chose Japan to reflect the internationalization of hallyu).

But before I unpack Shoji’s perspectives, I think it would be interesting to understand the allure of the lead actor, Bae Yong Joon. One wouldn’t necessarily consider Joon to be the epitome of masculinity. As Thomas Dillon memorably laments, “How has this one rather average fellow so enslaved the upper echelons of Japanese femininity? After all, Bae Yong Joon is not exactly Mr. Muscle. Stick me in a T-shirt and shorts and even I have a better build. In fact, toss the T-shirt and shorts on the floor and they have a better build than us both. Neither is Yong-sama especially handsome. He benefits from an earnest, puppy-dog grin that makes people yearn to pat him on the head…He could use a haircut as well.” I might disagree with his choice of language, but I do agree with him. Heck, even Won Bin is more masculine than Bae Yong Joon (I believe Prof. Kim will soon offer a platform for a more in-depth, substantiated debate on the Korean masculinity). So what exactly is his allure? Well, read on…

According to Sugii, Winter Sonata ignited a longing among the female populace for relationships modeled after the concept of jun-ai or “first love” - a relationship that “should be platonic or, at most, include just one sexual encounter.” As hatsukoi or “first love” experience is usually regarded as the only form of pure love, the central emotional momentums that fuel a jun-ai relationship are innocence and drama. Yes, drama. Ideally, one of them would die at the peak of their romance in order to preserve the purity of their love. Gone are the days of casual relationships. Indeed, it is no longer cool to have a string of sex friends but no real boyfriends – a trend that was popular among the younger Japanese female populace a decade ago as wealth afforded them more “social independence/liberalization.” A recent survey testifies towards this change of heart. Japanese women long more for intimacy over sex and “value the process of seduction more than its consummation.” Many tied this shift to the allure of Yong-sama - his inherent sensitivity towards the need of a woman, excessive care and eternal romanticism, the ideal man.

But as the Japanese female today starts gravitating towards this idea of a meaningful, pure relationship, the Japanese male on the other hand is moving away from such relationships, or relationships, period. Perhaps a decade of economic stagnation has raised their safeguards, with priorities reoriented back to work and hobbies. Shoji also argues that there might possibly be a revirginization (otome-ization) of the Japanese male – no more eyebrow-plucking or leg-shaving, and the rebirth of a disgust for sexual relationships. The concept of revirginization leaves a lot to be debated about, but I believe that the Japanese male’s somewhat repulsion of jun-ai is brought upon by the burdensome responsibilities that accompany such relationships. Frequent calls, thoughtful gifts, over-the-top emotions etc. Indeed, the emotional excess is enough to wear down the very toughest men, plus the material cost would almost certainly deplete the deepest wallets. To the Japanese male, there is just no profit to be gained from a love relationship. To hell with girlfriends, give me a FB*! To the Japanese female, there is everything to be gained from a love relationship. To hell with FBs, give me a BF*!

With the population moving in opposite trends, one can only imagine how barren the dating scene in Japan must be…

But to tie everything back to the context of Winter Sonata, I am always left wondering if people actually buy into such forms of idealized romanticisms. I highly doubt a columnist would have undertaken a comprehensive survey of the Japanese populace, but it is somewhat troubling to realize how a drama series can fuel cross-national changes in dating trends, or even romantic preferences. Japanese men grow up with the mentality that emotional restrain is a hallmark of masculinity. Japanese women are demanding the opposite. They long for the feeling of romantic innocence and vulnerability, to be swept away by the male embrace of passion and security (Can’t believe I wrote that). I am surprised that despite the large number of females in our class, no one has brought up the fact that Winter Sonata moves against the feminist movement by depicting women as helpless individuals, dancing to the rhythms set by her “model lover.”

ARC

* Friend with benefits. I have clearly refrained from using the more common slang due its lack of taste and vulgarity :)
* Boyfriend

Sources:

Shoji, Kaori. “Men Retreat from the ‘Hassle’ of Loving Relationships.” The Japan Times. January 10, 2006.
Shoji, Kaori. “Obsession with Pure Love.” The Japan Times. December 30, 2004.
Dillon, Thomas. “Winter Sonata Blues - Revisited.” The Japan Times. October 15, 2005.